1. |
Already Too Late
04:54
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Again
Waking up inside this place that feels so familiar. Static blinds my eyes, I see in black and white. How many times will I return to this cacophony of sight? Take it all in through the mind’s eye; lose track of what’s inside and what is real. Beckoned to my throne once more. Perched atop disappearing hues. Radiance is gone in me; the irony of relief.
Can’t remember when I started coming here, but they all know me now. Once of my construction, no longer under my control.
If I could just... If only I could... It would be so simple.
Exhaustion creeping up on me, it’s too easy. If I could just strip worthlessness of its parts - but first, I must sleep.
Can’t remember when I started coming here, but they all know me now. Once of my construction, no longer under my control.
I’m not sure that I can handle the pressure. Wipe my eyes dry. Let this weight sit atop my chest. Wipe my mind dry. I’m not ready, but I’m sick of waiting. I will fail myself no longer. Catch and release; I’ll return one way or another. Placated by a sense of routine. I don’t shake, I don’t tremble. Steady my hands, unperturbed. One last glimpse and pull.
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2. |
Detached
04:31
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Brought back by desire; insatiable longing. Never enough to forge enjoyment, but today I remove the gloves.
This will all be fine, because I have a plan. Like way up on the silver screen. Like sitting in the cinema.
My instrument is easy to obtain. Reach for the irregularities and present a case of disdain. Just don’t let nerves pry inward. Keep sabotage from taking it too far. Success has never come this easy, but finality won’t be so thoughtless. Bathe not in regret. Eyes on the prize, tonight will be mine.
This will all be fine, because I have a plan. Like way up on the silver screen. Like sitting in the cinema.
My choices haunt my final waking moments.
Aspirations haunt my dreams.
Forever, eyes roll back. Forever, I roll back. Over the recommended dose; don’t wake up.
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3. |
Express
06:19
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Same time, same place, I battle with routine. Monotony sickens me. “Don’t jump; you have so much to live for,” I used to tell myself - but today I’ll soar. Hobble once more to the top of the steps. Dragging feet noiseless in the morning rush. Slink to the far side and wait; I can hear my time approaching.
Across the platform, it’s too late. A shower of blue confirms... The coward who must live - and the hero who must take his life is gone.
Perhaps the crowd was just too much. So here I sit, here I watch. “Don’t jump,” they’d say were I suspended above. Let them dissipate and I’ll be free to bound.
One could easily be led to believe that too much waiting leads to disarray, facilitating regret and introspection; the stuff of abandon. However, the opposite is true in my case. What I long for is not recognition or any kind of positive reinforcement, nor am I searching for outside influence to bring about a change of heart. Because in this world of black and white, I chose red.
Forever teetering on the rails. No tunnel, no light. It’s clear as day that home is miles and miles away. Across the platform, it’s too late. A shower of blue confirms as it spreads through emptiness. The shock in the last eyes I saw. The sirens that came as they pulled the brakes.
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4. |
Think Deep
04:39
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“I’ll never have to swim,” I always told myself. And so I never learned. Never felt the need, the urgency. I lacked an appreciation for depth.
This place was always so close, yet I found myself here so rarely. Encased in indifference, unfeeling. I made a version of me that cared not for meaning. But now I watch the tide, wondering what could have been different.
Perched atop the rocks, a songbird next to me. Waves flow, calm as if they know. This time it’s me who sings.
Beckoned from my throne; I slither along the shore. The rocks, they crumble as I plunge. Doubt lulls confidence to sleep. The irony of relief. And now, as I think back it’s all too real. I always knew it would be better this way.
Instinctively, I hold my breath.
Relax, relax, let it all in.
Coldness soothes the skin.
Never to be soothed again.
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5. |
In Shambles
04:26
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Gazing out into the entirety of my consciousness.
Perception tumbling among the craters and the bluffs.
As Truman calmly said to me, “The dome ends not beyond the sea.”
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6. |
One Sad Promise
06:01
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Again
Eyelids reluctantly peel back, unaware of what’s inside. In too much disarray to care. If only I could have been wrong.
If I could just... If only I could... It would be so simple.
But I know, I’ve seen this before. I’ve seen it all before. All too many times; take function from my eyes.
Tie my woe into this rope. Convinced, I want this. No one’s tail to chase but my own. And my legs are skinned to the bone.
But I know, I’ve seen this before. I’ve seen it all before. All too many times; take function from my eyes.
Tie my woe into this rope. I want this; convinced. I’m not sure that I can handle the pressure. Wipe my eyes dry. Let this weight sit atop my chest. Wipe my mind dry. I’m not ready, but I’m sick of waiting. I will fail myself no longer. Catch and release...
Must end.
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Paper Hero Chicago, Illinois
Chicago progressive metal band Paper Hero balances unconventional song structures and time signatures with enticing melodic hooks, creating music with great depth that is easy to sink in to.
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